Tag Archives: affairs

Not you, boy…

I could not be tamed. I loped with wild horses and dined with lionesses. I made beautiful work of faux feminism, teeth into the flesh of lesser men. Dinner for a hungry soul in search of the sustenance of a Dominant man. Flip of the hair, curve of my hips; all the while knowing they couldn’t handle this.

They would seep weakness, and I couldn’t be bothered to clean up messes, not for long, not for very long. They tried, they cried, and I thought of nothing but You. 

They said, “I thought I could change you” while smelling Your cologne on my breast. They said, “I can love you better”, while Your love was slipping out of me.

I was told to feel bad about my sins, taught to atone; but, my religion is Him and my God had anointed me. I’d been baptized in His water. I’ve knelt at His feet to receive my confirmation. 

Oh, and they’d seethe because they knew I only worshipped One. I’d only kneel for One. Only submit to One. Only to be tamed by One. You’d have me a tigress on a leash, never having to pull tight. Never having to tug me in, and never having to cry “heal!”  But, they tried; a boisterous laugh escaped my mouth with each attempt to rein. You? Better off someone new; go find someone new, boy…

I cannot settle for a cub whilst craving a lion. I cannot mount a pony when I’ve been atop a stallion. Go ahead and wear any mask you choose, any cloak you deem comfortable; all of your disguises transparent, boy. You have proved entertaining, a jester for a time…

Only one Lord, you see, and He is mine. 


Fair Play

Warning:  This post is likely to offend you.

I have been absent for a while dealing with the holidays and other work related business.  As I can finally take a breath, I find myself moved to write.  I felt like a zombie there for a while, simply going through the motions and obligations that the holidays bestow upon us.  My creativity was stifled under all the responsibility, but I had time to think about things that I wanted to write about.

I attended a bridal shower yesterday for a close friend of mine.  On her invitation it read, “…is registered at Lowe’s, Home Depot and Target.”  I stared down at the invitation in my hands and thought to myself, “Dear God…How long can you expect a marriage to last if your bridal shower invitation resembles that of a housewarming party?”  I refused to get her a gift of anything she requested, and instead got her a giftcard to a local sex shop complemented by a card that read, “The key to a lasting and happy marriage is an open and mutually thrilling sex life, not a new toaster or 5 horsepower blender.”

I am not a believer in marriage; at least, I should say that I am not a believer in marriage in the traditional sense.  I don’t believe that marriage is the answer for lifelong happiness, family security, and a guarantee for monogamy.  I believe that marriage makes little sense, as it essentially forces individuals into patterns of predictability for the survival of family; meanwhile, society perpetuates a notion of lasting passion and fulfillment.  Passion and fulfillment can certainly be achieved while married, but usually that involves a high level of disclosure and intimacy.  Further, I am not a believer in marriage as our present society would see fit.  I believe that now, more than ever, men are emasculated within the bounds of marriage.  We have begun at young ages to emasculate our boys into behavior akin to females.  We are expecting of men to act as women, boys to act as girls:  Sit still, behave, be polite, don’t dominate, don’t show signs of aggression, and do not be overtly sexual.

We women are highly sexual creatures as well, despite what our society would have you believe.  The most dishonest of behaviors I have seen were displayed from women.  Women can easily secure a reliable man, whilst trolling for a thrilling and short lived tryst between the sheets.  He would be none the wiser, as men often assume that women are happy as long as they are provided for.  Another nod for society on that misconception.  Men typically do not feign well, as they are not as accustomed to operating from a place of dual existence: The “me” I will show the world, and the “me” that I relish within my mind.

You may not like reading this, but I don’t believe that people who cheat are necessarily guilty of anything aside from searching, and in some cases, attaining personal happiness.  The quest for personal happiness is our “right” as we are told; however, we are also told the quest should look a certain way.  Now would be an excellent time to stress honesty, but alas, I will not.  I can completely understand an inherent need for secrecy with the amount of responsibility and stress we have placed upon marriage, monogamy and the necessity to deny our inner desires.  Those who often cry “liar” toward the cheater were the ones most likely to cast judgment upon that person’s sexual desires; or withhold sexual gratification for personal motives; close doors for intimacy and communication that should remain open; and abuse their lover for the same qualities they initially found appealing.  Shame…

My opinion, as it applies to most cases of infidelity that I have experienced or been informed of, stem from a place of rejection.  In my experience, the people most guilty of these slights are the “fairer sex”.  Women are conditioned to believe that sexuality should be used as a means for gain and attainment.  Women are usually guilty of using sex for securing a man, reproduction, financial security, or material possessions.  If she happens to secure the responsible man AND a child – Jackpot!  She has significantly upped her chances of being taken care of for the majority of her life, with minimal effort on her part.  I firmly believe that once those essentials are provided for such women, they proceed to quickly pull the plug on devoting excessive energy to sexual fulfillment and emotional intimacy with their spouse.  Women who express their sexuality freely, for a personal fulfillment void of motive, are often labeled unkindly.  Why?  Because our society is threatened by sexual liberation.  Instead of embracing the fact that we are extremely sexual creatures and monogamy is highly unlikely under “normal” conditions; we buy into the farce that civilization has created for control: Religion.  But, that we will safe for another post…

If monogamy is something you choose to strive for – you had better up the ante.  My husband and I strive for monogamy, and my husband is deliciously territorial.  I permit my husband to express his territorial behavior from the recesses of his mind, because I find it primal and utterly delightful.  Blended within the fibers of our commitment to monogamy is the belief that our marriage didn’t guarantee a thing, aside from joint property ownership.  We understand that in order to beat the odds against our inner nature, we must consistently work toward sexual fulfillment and enlightenment.  We understand that communication is essential, expressing our deepest inner desires and working toward making them a reality.  This can be difficult, as you must be willing to listen despite your own personal “notions” of how things should be.  Certainly, you do not have to agree to fulfill your partner’s every whim; however, I also believe that you cannot expect to have monogamy from that person if their desire is strong.  I don’t believe this should be troubling, instead, I think it should be viewed as freeing.  Do your best and the rest will fall into place as it will.  As I’ve argued before, the more we repress the animal, the more the animal will rise within us.  To convince yourself of anything different is to ignore your evolutionary past.

I feel cheating was justified in the vast majority of situations.  Sure someone gets hurt and it can have lasting effects upon families and such.  As a collective society, we have built unrealistic expectations upon the human, and thus, marriage.  These expectations have long acted as a catalyst for crying victim and mental instability by the person being cheated on.  Aligning your expectations with these societal presumptions is setting yourself up for failure, and will neglect to serve you well, aside from an excuse for your own negligence.  You cannot expect monogamy; instead, you must cherish it within your relationship and work toward maintaining it.  That’s simply the best you can do.

I am so sick of hearing people speak of monogamy as if a guaranteed “right” in their relationships.  You can hope for it, encourage it, and cultivate the best environment possible to maintain it; however, if you don’t continuously strive to maintain it, you should not be surprised if the practice of “monogamy” fails you.  Believing monogamy is in our human nature was your first mistake; believing you are entitled to it simply because you are married or in a committed relationship is your second mistake.

If a person declines to acknowledge their own personal responsibility to cultivating an environment encouraging of monogamy, then I believe they deserve to be cheated on.  I believe that entitlement encourages laziness; the same expression can be applied toward marriage.  A person who believes that marriage guarantees them monogamy is a dangerous partner in life.  It is highly likely that their entitlement will lead to a laziness that will not only stifle your sexuality, but devour your spirit and crush your individuality.  Too often, we expect promises to last a lifetime even as we fail to maintain the environment for which those original promises were made.  I believe cheating is a right in any relationship where a person feels entitled to your loyalty without maintaining their end of the agreement.  Do I feel that you should leave the relationship entirely?  Sure, that is probably a good idea.  However, as a society we have complicated relationships (especially marriages) to aid in trapping people in lifelong commitments.  We have worked for centuries to cultivate these domestic messes and are often victims of our own misplaced assumptions and financial entanglements imposed upon our marriages.  That is our fault and failure as a society.  Blaming a person who cheated and failing to acknowledge how you may have encouraged the “discretion” is your fault.  If you are unreasonable enough to believe in monogamy as a guarantee at all costs, then you deserve to be cheated on for your laziness and unrealistic expectations.

Alas, as I watched roughly 20 women “oooh and ahhhh” at blenders, pots and pans, and a Keurig 2.0, I quietly hoped that my friend would soon realize that her perception of “happily ever after” is already skewed.  I hope that she will encourage open communication between she and her spouse, release her expectations, and begin to appreciate him on a “human” level.  I know she won’t, and I can’t help but surmise that I will hold her hand in the not too distant future as she cries on my shoulder repeating, “He promised me forever…”  I’ll remember how much importance was placed upon the house and not the man.  I’ll remember how her expectations aligned so naively with societal expectations.  I’ll remember how I wrote her a card that said, “I refuse to gift you a household appliance for your bridal shower, and instead, encourage you to tend to your sexual relationship.”

And I’ll know without her ever needing to say that instead of giving her husband unlimited and unrestricted access to her “cake”, she decided to bake one instead.


Spanking Shame

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I’m going to tell you all a little story about murder– It’s a true story…

Since this is a true story, I am going to protect the deceased man’s privacy by naming him Joe.

Joe was in his late 50’s and enjoyed himself a spanking.  This man was an incredibly successful military Veteran, lent himself to several tours, and lived a life of high professional achievement.  This hard working man’s reward and release was found in the spankings of his Mistress.  He hid these desires from his wife, a psychiatrist, whom he correctly assumed would berate him for his delights.  He did not cheat on his wife; Joe only desired his ass cheeks radiate heat from the repetitive spanking of his Mistress.  Now, mind you, I understand everyone’s definition of cheating is different; but, I reason to argue that a spanking isn’t something the vast majority of people would consider cheating.  Alas, back to my tale…

Joe maintained going to his Mistress for years, and paid her for her services.  Unfortunately, Joe failed to adequately cover up his tracks (as men often are at a disadvantage doing).  Joe’s wife catches on that he is paying a woman to spank him in weekly intervals.  Enraged, Joe’s wife proceeds to do what any loving spouse would do:  Call the adult daughter they have in common and tell her of her father’s perversion (or what she deemed a perversion).  Joe’s wife reveals to their daughter that her father is a “sick and twisted” individual that should be committed for mental health problems (her “professional” opinion, of course, as she is a psychiatrist).  Joe is shamed; his privacy and emotional wellbeing raped from him at the hands of his most trusted companion – his wife.  Joe composes himself despite his emotional angst.  Joe feels the pride of his achievements as he dresses himself in one of his freshly pressed military uniforms.  He drives to the tallest 4-stack butterfly overpass in this big city and pulls his car to the side.  He steps out of his vehicle, walks to the edge of the guard rail, and throws himself over.  Joe took his life and his love for spankings to an abrupt death following a 90 foot freefall of misplaced shame.

I know what you are thinking:  “But, M…This is supposed to be a story of murder, not suicide?”  Indeed, you read me correctly in the first place.  I conclude that Joe’s wife’s witch hunt on sexual expression murdered him.  Joe’s wife’s reproachful mouth murdered a good man over a little spanking; or perhaps, lest we forget, her best attempt to maintain a white-knuckled grip upon sexual repression.

Should we not listen with open minds, open hearts, and open arms to the desires of those we deem lovers?  I’m not suggesting that you violate your own personal boundaries to please another person, unless you enjoy that sort of thing.  Merely, I am expressing that you should listen sans judgment.  If it’s not your thing, fine; but, move along or permit that individual the freedom of sexual expression for their own behalf.

How many people have you heard complain about their sex lives?  I have seen so many people carelessly look the other way as their significant other pleas for help.  Idiots.  When that person walks out of their life, or finds acceptance with another person, they cry victim!  You are not a victim.  You are not deserving of any pity.  You are a person who felt wrongly entitled to rummage through the essence of a person, acknowledge the things you find attractive, and cast the rest to the side as if discarded trash.  I admire people with enough gusto to embrace their desires and find someone to share them with.  If you leave an opportunistic, judgmental, condemning person bobbing about in the wakes of your dismissal – so be it.  Good riddance.  Allow me to ease your guilt:

There are plenty of people equipped to stare into the reflection of falsehood.  They find solace in the shallow and superficial.  It’s safe.  Let them fuck atop their traditional floral comforters.  Let her dish all her displeasure in his performance to her girlfriends over martinis.  Let him jerk his dick to some porn downstairs while she’s sound asleep in their bed by 8pm…with a headache, of course.  Allow them to sit next to one another in Sunday mass; she, eager to get started on that next chapter in her erotic novel, and he’s anxious to revisit that anal video on fuq.com from the other night.  Meanwhile…

You’re far too busy getting spankings.

Rest in Peace, “Joe”.

-Fervid M


My Message to You, Beautiful People

“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like the fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars…” – Jack Kerouac

I don’t just write for the simple joy of it, though, I do simply enjoy it.  My hope is to encourage people to embrace themselves and their sexuality.  My hope is that through some of my writing, some of you can find the freedom of acceptance, both of self and from those who you consider yourself intimate with.  I will not say the things that sound pretty; rather, I give the advice that most people shy away from giving.  I won’t say you are a “bad” person for doing a particular thing, unless that thing harms the unwilling.  Specifically, I will never condone the direct victimization (physically or emotionally) of an unwilling individual or an individual whom cannot make an informed choice.  That being said, people who subscribe to the misconceptions of society and perceived guarantees of religion and subsequently feel victimized by those who fail to subscribe to the same standards – take that somewhere else.  Admittedly, the best decision I ever made to was to have an affair, plain and simple.  I loathe judgment; more so, I particularly loath judgment from the pious populace, as they are often the worst of all.

I just want to be clear about something:  You will not enjoy my blog if you enjoy the sweet, delicate and soft.  You will find me abrasive, offensive, and downright salty.  I will not provide you with a soft place to fall, a mothering touch to your bruises.  I do not find a benefit in dismissing pain, especially emotional pain.  I enjoy prodding at my own bruises, discovering why they hurt, what hurts them worse, and how I got the “bruise” in the first place.

We are taught from a young age to quickly disperse of pain, both emotionally and physically.  We are taught to ignore it, accept it, and hope that someone can kiss it all away.  I we stood next to the pain for a minute, glanced over and observed it, we would see more about ourselves than we see in bliss.  While lost and looking through the fog, we would learn more of our capabilities than with a clear road ahead.  We can survive gloom of a temporary depression by living within it, thriving within the sadness, enjoying the darkness for the clarity it brings.

I love the dark.  A mental vampire, I desire the inner workings of the mind.  I look past the clock face; I am obsessed with the gears that turn and the rust that erodes.

I encourage you to please comment on my posts if you feel so inclined.  I understand it takes time, and I certainly understand that high demand for time in this life.  I am simply saying to allow yourselves a freedom of expression here, if you so desire it.  Thank you so much for reading.  I hope that you find a sort of transparency about me.  I am quite a dichotomy; I am a self proclaimed narcissistic artist with a great deal of compassion for human kind.  What you see here is all me, aside from a few pictures in my articles here and there.  I try to keep things as genuine and relevant to “me” as possible.

On caveat:  Don’t bring your religion here.  I respect religion and what it provides for people.  I don’t respect what it has done to humanity.  Quite simply, I refuse to worship; make a fundamental part of my life, a collage of myths responsible for the massacre of so many individuals.  I cannot press my hands together knowing the blood spilled between them.  I cannot bathe in the grace that is judgment, hypocrisy, control and hallucinogenic lunacy.  I’d feel as if I’d bathed in the dirty fields of countless holy wars and toweled off with the condemning cardboard signs of Pro-life protestors.  I’d feel as if I’d dressed in the robes of predatory priests, and donned footwear appropriate for booting dirt in the faces of homosexuals.  I’d wear enough make-up to conceal my vanity, have lunch with the woman whose husband I maintain an affair and curse the waitress for her idiocy at forgetting to split the tab.  This is religion to me.  Religion is ugly.  Religion is deadly.

Burn…

Fervid M