Category Archives: culture

Feminist Facade


Feminist? Not me.

I don’t want equality.

I don’t want you to feel like you must fight me for a position of authority in our relationship.  That you must assert yourself in the face of my emotional whims.  I don’t want you to feel like we both have something to prove, and your assertion of such points must trump mine.  I desire not to corner you, belligerently belittling your spirit for my personal validation.  To feel power over a threat, merely a phantom.  To place you ahead does not render me last.

There are no wars for power here.

I view myself not as beneath you, but beside you. Albeit, preferring a view from slightly behind the curve of your muscular shoulder, the force of your strength leading me forward with each step.  You guide me.  You lead me.  I have no desire to be directly beside you.  I love you in the lead.  Forever keeping in step with you, with eyes alert to awaiting obstacles.  We will traverse them with relative ease made of a balance found between two uniquely different, naturally complementary, forces.

When I’m on my knees before you, I don’t feel devalued; rather, I feel elevated beyond the physical position of my body.  I feel larger than life and greater than the sum of my parts.  With the downward caress of your strong hand through my hair, I am elevated in my service to you.  Your eyes cast downward, connecting with mine, render me gracious for your presence.  Gracious for your presence that is not only physical, but emotional; not simply loving, but loyal to the conservancy of my being.  For your downcast gaze is hardly one of degradation, but admiration.

A very strong and capable woman, indeed.  But, I need not prove to you my independence by forgoing my desire to serve you well.  I need not persistently deny your request to provide aid, to sooth my upsets, or to supportively criticize, in order to reason with my facility.  My strength unveiled with my submission.  The fortitude necessary to forge the iron, strong enough to withstand a blow, however vulnerable to the fire.  You, my weakness.  You, my fire.  I burn in your presence. I melt for your power.

I need not do what you can do to feel equal.  I need not do it better.  I need only to provide to you the soul of a woman who has devoted her life to complementing you.  Where you are right, I will make up the left; whenever you grow far, I will pull you near.  If you shall find yourself sinking, I shall elevate you.  A dance of mutual attendance.  A dance of complementary forces, neither one in need of convincing the other of our position.  Neither one in need of demanding their value as greater.  No need to rehearse for the sake of a convincing performance.  Not a single toe stepped upon.  Complementary.

The fantasies that lurk behind the fortress you’ve built to preserve yourself from the fray, you offer them to me.  The darkest corners where monsters are rumored to thrive; I see beautiful beasts of burden, grown angry carrying the load of societal pressures.  I offer comfort, lure them from the recessed corners and hold them securely.  The beast is aggressive, but I feel no fear of harm.  The beast is physical, but I fear no attack. The beast is rough, but softens at my caress.  I feel the beast tremor as I caress over the scars that form trails along his hide.  I remove his burden.  The beast has no need to conceal any longer.  The beast is in no need of taming, nor training; in no need of demasculinization.

I envelop him in my feminine embrace.  Press upon his flesh the breasts of a woman for pleasure not purpose.  Caress with the touch of delicacy instead of efficiency.  A body with the curves composed of sensuality, not simply capability.  A beautiful cunt to converse the most intimate of conversations, not an agenda.  A woman.  His woman.  His needs are my needs, and my needs are his. In this, we are freed.


Interlude 1

My diamonds are at home. He cleverly hid them from me as punishment for leaving the house sans wedding rings yesterday. Yet, my collar graces my neck in a way more personal than a wedding band surrounds the finger…

People put so much stock in marriage – the crux of commitment, intimacy and trust; yet, so many marriages are without all three. I have never cared for marriage much, finding little connection to the union.  Being married never made me feel committed. In fact, I have only been able to commit to one man, no matter what my marital status had suggested.

I feel my marriage is an afterthought by comparison to the commitment I have to serve and obey my King, who is also my husband. My marriage has been reinforced by our lifestyle. Our marriage enhanced by my servitude and his personal conviction to cherish what is His. His because we choose, regardless of the piece of paper between us.

Society recognizes the rings on my finger as a symbol for marriage. The same metal and stone combination that grace the finger of the vast majority of women. Only a few people would recognize my collar as my commitment to serve. Both bring me great pride to wear. Both are a symbol of my devotion, eternally.

However, I prefer the “weight” of my collar.


Fair Play

Warning:  This post is likely to offend you.

I have been absent for a while dealing with the holidays and other work related business.  As I can finally take a breath, I find myself moved to write.  I felt like a zombie there for a while, simply going through the motions and obligations that the holidays bestow upon us.  My creativity was stifled under all the responsibility, but I had time to think about things that I wanted to write about.

I attended a bridal shower yesterday for a close friend of mine.  On her invitation it read, “…is registered at Lowe’s, Home Depot and Target.”  I stared down at the invitation in my hands and thought to myself, “Dear God…How long can you expect a marriage to last if your bridal shower invitation resembles that of a housewarming party?”  I refused to get her a gift of anything she requested, and instead got her a giftcard to a local sex shop complemented by a card that read, “The key to a lasting and happy marriage is an open and mutually thrilling sex life, not a new toaster or 5 horsepower blender.”

I am not a believer in marriage; at least, I should say that I am not a believer in marriage in the traditional sense.  I don’t believe that marriage is the answer for lifelong happiness, family security, and a guarantee for monogamy.  I believe that marriage makes little sense, as it essentially forces individuals into patterns of predictability for the survival of family; meanwhile, society perpetuates a notion of lasting passion and fulfillment.  Passion and fulfillment can certainly be achieved while married, but usually that involves a high level of disclosure and intimacy.  Further, I am not a believer in marriage as our present society would see fit.  I believe that now, more than ever, men are emasculated within the bounds of marriage.  We have begun at young ages to emasculate our boys into behavior akin to females.  We are expecting of men to act as women, boys to act as girls:  Sit still, behave, be polite, don’t dominate, don’t show signs of aggression, and do not be overtly sexual.

We women are highly sexual creatures as well, despite what our society would have you believe.  The most dishonest of behaviors I have seen were displayed from women.  Women can easily secure a reliable man, whilst trolling for a thrilling and short lived tryst between the sheets.  He would be none the wiser, as men often assume that women are happy as long as they are provided for.  Another nod for society on that misconception.  Men typically do not feign well, as they are not as accustomed to operating from a place of dual existence: The “me” I will show the world, and the “me” that I relish within my mind.

You may not like reading this, but I don’t believe that people who cheat are necessarily guilty of anything aside from searching, and in some cases, attaining personal happiness.  The quest for personal happiness is our “right” as we are told; however, we are also told the quest should look a certain way.  Now would be an excellent time to stress honesty, but alas, I will not.  I can completely understand an inherent need for secrecy with the amount of responsibility and stress we have placed upon marriage, monogamy and the necessity to deny our inner desires.  Those who often cry “liar” toward the cheater were the ones most likely to cast judgment upon that person’s sexual desires; or withhold sexual gratification for personal motives; close doors for intimacy and communication that should remain open; and abuse their lover for the same qualities they initially found appealing.  Shame…

My opinion, as it applies to most cases of infidelity that I have experienced or been informed of, stem from a place of rejection.  In my experience, the people most guilty of these slights are the “fairer sex”.  Women are conditioned to believe that sexuality should be used as a means for gain and attainment.  Women are usually guilty of using sex for securing a man, reproduction, financial security, or material possessions.  If she happens to secure the responsible man AND a child – Jackpot!  She has significantly upped her chances of being taken care of for the majority of her life, with minimal effort on her part.  I firmly believe that once those essentials are provided for such women, they proceed to quickly pull the plug on devoting excessive energy to sexual fulfillment and emotional intimacy with their spouse.  Women who express their sexuality freely, for a personal fulfillment void of motive, are often labeled unkindly.  Why?  Because our society is threatened by sexual liberation.  Instead of embracing the fact that we are extremely sexual creatures and monogamy is highly unlikely under “normal” conditions; we buy into the farce that civilization has created for control: Religion.  But, that we will safe for another post…

If monogamy is something you choose to strive for – you had better up the ante.  My husband and I strive for monogamy, and my husband is deliciously territorial.  I permit my husband to express his territorial behavior from the recesses of his mind, because I find it primal and utterly delightful.  Blended within the fibers of our commitment to monogamy is the belief that our marriage didn’t guarantee a thing, aside from joint property ownership.  We understand that in order to beat the odds against our inner nature, we must consistently work toward sexual fulfillment and enlightenment.  We understand that communication is essential, expressing our deepest inner desires and working toward making them a reality.  This can be difficult, as you must be willing to listen despite your own personal “notions” of how things should be.  Certainly, you do not have to agree to fulfill your partner’s every whim; however, I also believe that you cannot expect to have monogamy from that person if their desire is strong.  I don’t believe this should be troubling, instead, I think it should be viewed as freeing.  Do your best and the rest will fall into place as it will.  As I’ve argued before, the more we repress the animal, the more the animal will rise within us.  To convince yourself of anything different is to ignore your evolutionary past.

I feel cheating was justified in the vast majority of situations.  Sure someone gets hurt and it can have lasting effects upon families and such.  As a collective society, we have built unrealistic expectations upon the human, and thus, marriage.  These expectations have long acted as a catalyst for crying victim and mental instability by the person being cheated on.  Aligning your expectations with these societal presumptions is setting yourself up for failure, and will neglect to serve you well, aside from an excuse for your own negligence.  You cannot expect monogamy; instead, you must cherish it within your relationship and work toward maintaining it.  That’s simply the best you can do.

I am so sick of hearing people speak of monogamy as if a guaranteed “right” in their relationships.  You can hope for it, encourage it, and cultivate the best environment possible to maintain it; however, if you don’t continuously strive to maintain it, you should not be surprised if the practice of “monogamy” fails you.  Believing monogamy is in our human nature was your first mistake; believing you are entitled to it simply because you are married or in a committed relationship is your second mistake.

If a person declines to acknowledge their own personal responsibility to cultivating an environment encouraging of monogamy, then I believe they deserve to be cheated on.  I believe that entitlement encourages laziness; the same expression can be applied toward marriage.  A person who believes that marriage guarantees them monogamy is a dangerous partner in life.  It is highly likely that their entitlement will lead to a laziness that will not only stifle your sexuality, but devour your spirit and crush your individuality.  Too often, we expect promises to last a lifetime even as we fail to maintain the environment for which those original promises were made.  I believe cheating is a right in any relationship where a person feels entitled to your loyalty without maintaining their end of the agreement.  Do I feel that you should leave the relationship entirely?  Sure, that is probably a good idea.  However, as a society we have complicated relationships (especially marriages) to aid in trapping people in lifelong commitments.  We have worked for centuries to cultivate these domestic messes and are often victims of our own misplaced assumptions and financial entanglements imposed upon our marriages.  That is our fault and failure as a society.  Blaming a person who cheated and failing to acknowledge how you may have encouraged the “discretion” is your fault.  If you are unreasonable enough to believe in monogamy as a guarantee at all costs, then you deserve to be cheated on for your laziness and unrealistic expectations.

Alas, as I watched roughly 20 women “oooh and ahhhh” at blenders, pots and pans, and a Keurig 2.0, I quietly hoped that my friend would soon realize that her perception of “happily ever after” is already skewed.  I hope that she will encourage open communication between she and her spouse, release her expectations, and begin to appreciate him on a “human” level.  I know she won’t, and I can’t help but surmise that I will hold her hand in the not too distant future as she cries on my shoulder repeating, “He promised me forever…”  I’ll remember how much importance was placed upon the house and not the man.  I’ll remember how her expectations aligned so naively with societal expectations.  I’ll remember how I wrote her a card that said, “I refuse to gift you a household appliance for your bridal shower, and instead, encourage you to tend to your sexual relationship.”

And I’ll know without her ever needing to say that instead of giving her husband unlimited and unrestricted access to her “cake”, she decided to bake one instead.


We Shall See…

Another casual, light-hearted update for all you lovelies…

On top of an exceedingly demanding professional life, I am working on a significantly long paper  for a class.  I was *cough, cough* “fortunate” to have an uber-feminist professor in this class, which has resulted in some interesting debates between she and I, as well as some of my other classmates.  I am not anti-feminist, per se, in the sense that I believe equal treatment for equal work.  However, I do believe that men are significantly misrepresented within our present society by a virtual pendulum swing toward feminism in the name of emasculating men.  Ultimately, I believe heavily in evolutionary psychology and cognitive development as it applies to biology.  I believe men are men and women are women for reasons primarily dictated by biology; I believe hormones, physiology, and thus, brain development coincide with our responses toward the environment.  I do believe culture plays a heavy influence as well, akin to adding standards of performance to a basic blank slate:  As if taking a large boulder and carving it into a beautiful sculpture; the beautiful sculpture may represent something upon it’s surface, but at it’s core the subject is simply rock.  Culture carves.

Anyway, my professor has assigned readings for this particular class that I find are bias against men.  If I were a man in this class, I would feel as though I was a pig on a spit, rotating and roasting before a crowd of chanting, spear wielding women.  They would extend their fists vehemently into the air, exposing the hairy pits of rebellion.  They would dance around the rotisserie man with dangling breasts of stretched tissue and “beaver bump” one another in the name of “fem-araderie”.  Roast that man for all his oppression – Men and their penises are to blame for all our problems in the world….

I cannot stand this course.  Such potential in the material to be squandered away by personal bias.  Anyway, I digress…

After numerous debates, I have decided to compose my final paper on cultural dynamics as it effects aspects of BDSM culture and alternative relationships.  Ah, yes.  Imagine the joy I will have once I receive a poor grade in this course due to the fact that I will discuss being a female sub to my male Dominant.  My professor is notorious for grading according to personal opinion and perspective.  Undoubtedly, my close-minded professor will know little about the lifestyle, as she will see it as another way culture oppresses women.  To expose that fallacy, I plan to discuss the role of dominance and submission, as it pertains to the individual and not the gender of the person.  Ultimately, I plan to show the BDSM culture as a place where gender is an illusion; a place where a person is accepted as an “individual” and not as culture would define him/her or his/her chromosomal make-up.  She likely has read Fifty Shades of Grey and was repulsed by that pathetic depiction of the community – even though she likely masturbated to images of being dominated by a man.  Typical.  I’m going to blow the top off of this bitch, and I am looking forward to it.

Again, I can’t wait to write a substantial piece for pleasure, for a change.  Presently, my language has been reduced to legalities and formalities, and I am feeling creatively handicapped.

I also was nominated for the “Bad Girl Blogger Award” from the lovely Whispering Girl, which has brought me great joy!  I am incredibly flattered.  Thank you for such lovely words of recognition.  I am chomping at the bit to assume my more creative pursuits, I just have to get through the next week or two.