Children, Not The First Priority

In celebration of the New Year, I’d like to wish you all a happy and prosperous 2015!  I thought I would throw that little “feel good” energy before I go on about my regular writing.

As I’ve indicated before, I don’t really concern myself much with marriage or the condition of the institution within society.  I believe marriage should be a beautiful expression of love; but, as love has many layers of intensity and can be fleeting in nature, I am left untroubled by the crumbling of unions.  I do feel there is a significant contributor to the disintegration of marital bliss, despite the numerous messages culturally programmed into us suggesting the contrary…

Putting the kids first.

I know many dedicated parents who subscribe to the cultural kid-centric groupthink, and I can hear them shaming me in my head for the words I previously typed.  I could not care less.  I feel with great passion that we have deviated far from lifestyles that encourage lasting monogamy, a difficult practice to maintain to begin with.  I also speak often of how marriage and monogamy is particularly juxtaposed against male evolutionary development.  Worse, we have relatively abolished adult right and welcomed children to participate in an authoritative position within the household.  We wonder why society suffers from an unruly and dysfunctional family life.  We wonder why the majority of the populace suffers gravely from a false sense of entitlement.  But, we keep treating little Johnny and baby Janie like they should be the center of our universe, the sole reason for living, and our only source of enjoyment as adults.  I feel the sex most slighted from this misappropriation of importance are men.

A mother will often care for her boys with tenderness, providing a feminine love much different than the love a boy experiences from their father.  Boys learn that they are to be valued as a contributor, a provider and the “head of household”.  Society sends a similar message to boys, encouraging strength, competitiveness, emotional hardiness, power, and success.  These messages cultivate a mission within boys to behave a certain way, and by the time they become men, they associate an expectation upon those they are romantically involved with:  They assume they will be valued for their contributions to the home and to the relationship.  But, conversely, we are teaching women quite the opposite.  An emphasis on importance is being directed away from the wife, and pointing toward the “mother”.  At one time, it appeared that “wife” and “mother” were in agreement.  Now, it appears that it’s all “mother” and a big middle finger is being given toward men and being a good “wife” – Unless we need the men to contribute their sperm, of course.

I have seen women quickly neglect men from the moment their eyes gaze upon their child.  Sure, a woman can say that it’s because a baby requires more, a man is self-sufficient, and he should not need to be cared for.  A woman could argue because of the baby time is scarce, and because of this, there is little time left for the husband.  A woman could uphold that both she and her husband agree that the children should always come first.  I am just going to step out there and call bullshit:  You got the greatest contribution from the man – his seed and his money – Therefore, you hold little regard for him after.  He becomes a side note, a hindrance, and a nuisance.  Women cluck among each other, “I have three babies; two children and a husband.” I have heard women say, “My biggest child is my husband.”  I have never heard a woman say among female gatherings how much they value their husband as a man, as an individual, apart from what he does for her and the children.  To most women, men are a vessel of production; their value does not extend beyond what they can provide.  Sadly, they often won’t complain and suffer in silence, because they were taught not to be needy.  This is a disgrace.  Men need tenderness, appreciation and love for their contributions.  They need to be acknowledged.  But, women are often too busy bitching or making bracelets on their daughter’s rainbow loom to care.  No wonder porn is more comforting…

Children should not understand their place of value is greater than that of the parents.  Children should understand that they do not have the power to dictate every day decisions made in the household.  Children should not be requested to be more adult than they are by allowing them to make decisions that affect the well-being of the entire household.  I will go on further to state that I appreciate that my household is headed by a man who assumes all of the decision making.  Certainly, we take things to an added extreme while operating within our 24/7 Master/slave relationship; but, that dynamic only encourages a power hierarchy that enables the children to understand their place.  They do not get to make decisions that impact the adults, especially my Husband.  My husband places the greatest of priority upon the health and well-being of his wife.  We both understand that the children are our first responsibility; however, they do not get to occupy the place of household priority. They are valued above the relationship maintained by the adults.  They have consequences for their actions and how they impact the household.  They have expectations that are akin to those reasonable for a child.  Everyone has their place.

You cannot show your appreciation for your man in the same ways you wish to be appreciated.  Men need to be shown appreciation in ways more tangible.  They need to be fucked.  They need to be loved.  They need to feel appreciated by drawing their dick into your mouth and selflessly pleasuring them.  I realize I sound exceedingly cliché, but I believe men should be provided delicious meals and a loving touch along with kind words.  Men need you to remember they are visual, and present yourself in a way that show you value yourself for your own feminine allure.  He needs you and your love as desperately as your child, he just won’t scream and cry until he gets it.  His lack of vocal outcry does not make his needs less important; on the contrary, his reluctance to ask for doting affection and attention shall serve as a warning sign that he is growing despondent.

I am merely arguing that women need to acknowledge that children are the first responsibility, not the first priority.  A distinct differences lies between responsibility and priority.  You can tend to something else, such as a child; meanwhile, you can acknowledge that your husband is the priority.  I believe that the adults in the household need to maintain that the two of them, and the health of their relationship, should be the first priority.  As children are deliriously needy, allow them to be your number one responsibility – understand the difference.  Hopefully you will raise your children to be self-sufficient, well rounded, and independent adults.  You will not achieve this by allowing them constant priority and attention.  They will grow up and build homes of their own.  Once the dust settles on raising your little family, you may see the only person left to stand beside you is that man you devalued – if you are lucky.  Make him your first priority, and your children your first responsibility, and you may just be holding hands to watch the dust settle together.

About FervidM

A Sensual Side of BDSM - The romance of servitude, submission, pleasure and pain. View all posts by FervidM

16 responses to “Children, Not The First Priority

  • nottooold2

    Umm, Hell Yes!!! Love this. The distinction between a Priority and a Responsibility is absolutely perfect. I feel compelled to go off on a major rant, but will contain myself. You state the case quite well.

    Liked by 2 people

  • Darell Grant

    Preach on girl, preach on…
    There is a very distinct difference between responsibility and priority. In my humble opinion, u hit the name on the head!

    Liked by 1 person

  • blondevampire

    I totaly agree with you on this…. But what if the roles are slighlty recersed? Where the husband takes care of half of the hosehold responsabilties and the wide does the other? And the husband acts imuture like young guys? Where after children come first his needs come before the wife? Or he sits up watching pirn ir play games and the wife tries to please her husband but it works to no end?
    Just curious


  • Savannah Carrier

    OMG! I love this!

    My husband and my marriage come first. Without them, we have brokenness. My husband is exactly the same. We put each other first because WE came first and when they move on, it will still be US.

    I need to write a post about this! Thank you for sharing your heart!


  • logicalmynd

    Another dead-on article on practices of healthy centered relationships. Very often people go into a relationship with expectations but don’t communicate their wants and needs to their partner. These qualities of a healthy relationship should come naturally to passionate couples but there can be many reasons why partners today ignore those impulses or behave poorly.
    I think your distinction of responsibility to priority is important, and often overlooked. Children should indeed be the focus of responsible adults, but the priority is to maintain a healthy functioning family, and that requires happy parents more than spoiled happy children. It’s quite simple to set in words but it amazes me how many of my peers struggle with this practice. Again, great piece.


  • Amen to that… | wholenewnormal

    […] Children, Not The First Priority […]

    Liked by 1 person

  • Inthegazeoftheother

    Pretty late on this, but the topic is intriguing. The way we raise boys explains much about the insane state of relationships and the current 2016 male rage and confusion manifest in violent political rallies, rape and blogspots. I’m not blaming anyone. I think culturally, we are schizophrenic and hypocritical in raising boys and girls to be the idea of those genders, ignoring the individuality of humans as a unique combination of so many facets, gender being only one.
    And as to how men or women like to be treated, there are no scripts, rights or wrongs, so long as there is agreement and no harm to others. The cries of ideologies do not matter.


    • FervidM

      I have not reviewed this post in the longest time, and I cannot adequately remember everything I wrote about in this post. I will have to revisit the writing and reacquaint myself with it. With that being said, I agree with you on being hypocritical in raising boys and girls to align with their gender. I would also say that our culture is beginning to push boys toward a feminine ideal. I read an interesting book, The Male Brain, which goes in depth on how modern education of grade-school boys leaves them at odds with their own physiological makeup and brain function. Boys are far more stifled within our present society as we learn further and further into rampant feminism. I am not anti-feminist; but, I am against the pendulum swing that our American culture embraces every time we prioritize one group over another in the name of “fairness”. I enjoy an environment the leans patriarchal, however, and I know many people do not agree with me.

      Liked by 1 person

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