*For the sake of simplicity, I am going to address women specifically in this article. I feel this is necessary because these actions are most common among women.*
The older I get, the more I realize that women lose accountability as quickly as skin elasticity. Sadly, they are more concerned with the latter. We see miserable, disheveled, and unkempt women everywhere. Beyond their physical appearance, they are usually easy to spot among a crowd, as they are usually saying or doing something to make someone else’s life momentarily miserable. I would be willing to bet that if privately asked and secretly counseled, at the heart of all her dissatisfaction, there would be a man to misplace her blame upon.
Stop blaming men for all your problems.
I realize that this is going to come across offensive to some of you; especially those of you who feel that you have good reason to be upset with a man. I would urge you to continue to read, because this isn’t simply an anti-feminist rant. I am not discussing whether your reasoning for being upset with a man is justified or not. I’m simply stating that, no matter what it is, it does not matter. Anger is oxygen to the flames of unhappiness.
Burn with confidence, burn with sexuality, burn with power.
Often the root of all of this petty anger stems from the perception that someone is unfaithful. Perhaps they actually are, or were, unfaithful. Again, this matters not. I don’t blame a cheater, won’t curse a cheater, and refuse to condemn a cheater simply because the rest of the world decides to chastise those who stepped out on a verbal commitment. Verbal commitments made with the best of intentions can dilute quickly when used as an anchor in a troubled sea of unhappiness. I am not of the school which practices, “Once a cheater always a cheater.” Usually (aside from rare exceptions), people cheat for a myriad of reasons, reasons which I would argue as justified. I certainly believe people should be honest with their actions, own them and stand behind them, even in the face of judgment. Unfortunately, you simply cannot be honest with some people. If someone failed to be honest with you, there is a strong possibility that at some point they attempted to and failed miserably. I believe it a safe assumption you likely had an unbecoming fit of emotion, attacked the person attempting to confide in you with a slur of verbal offensives, and taught them a lesson for trying to bruise your delicate ego: Never to approach you openly again.
I have a glorious husband. If he didn’t fuck me senseless and fulfill my needs for a dominate man, then I’d likely get a wandering eye. If he didn’t possess the depth, the darkness, the primal of his sexuality; he’d likely bore me right into another man’s arms. If he wasn’t so deliciously protective and territorial, I’d find myself more attracted to man that was. This is especially true if you want to play in the world of BDSM: A strong sub wants to feel owned. Many a man thought it would be a good idea to give me freedom, because a “healthy” relationship is interdependent. I define a “healthy” relationship as one that both partners define as passionate and respectful – I couldn’t care less what other people think, and neither should you. My belief: Possess me, and do so with fervor, or I will be drawn to someone else who will own this with passion. I’m quite fortunate I don’t need to concern myself with that.
Our evolutionary processes are imbedded within our psyche. The evolved human brain and primal brain exist within the same person. When we devalue the human, the animal rises. The animal rises as a defense mechanism for repeated domination of unrealistic expectations placed upon basic human needs. The two can exist beautifully in tandem balance when both are acknowledged as valid. For example, a basic human need for sex resonates within us all (some stronger than others). We must rise to meet the basic needs of the more sexual partner. A satisfied partner is one that feels their basic needs are met. A satisfied partner is less likely to cheat because they are satisfied. If you would like to live in denial, continuing to devalue to animal instincts within your partner, then accept the consequences. Cheating is natural because monogamy is a highly unnatural occurrence. To defy nature and maintain a monogamous relationship, extra attention must be paid to satisfying the animal within us all.
I have yet to meet a man who cheated for reasons unjustified. I am not merely referencing the fact he can justify his actions; but, I am confirming that I can understand the reasons for the infidelity on the basis of human need. I would argue that men have been devalued and emasculated in contemporary society to the point they face an increasingly difficult path to discovering their identity. We have begun to see men as vessels of production. We continue to expect more from men, while simultaneously, we give less. We condemn more and praise less. We demand more and lavish less attention.
If you want a reliable machine, grab your vibrator. If you desire to be in a healthy, reciprocal and sexually fulfilling relationship with a man, respect his basic needs. Stop blaming a man for your troubles and evaluate yourself. Improve yourself.
Stop concerning yourself with cheating. Start realizing that the more time you spend pondering his whereabouts and intentions; you take from the possibilities of your own sex. When you are unhappy, miserable, and angry because of a perceived injustice upon you by a man, people pity you. Those people who seem to support you by joining you in degrading the person whom committed the offense: They pity you. A person who actually cared about you would suggest you get your shit together and press on. A person worth having does not spend a lot of time wondering whether the person they are with desires them – they know they should. Stop whining and start becoming a person worth wanting.