Are we really so evolved? A question I ask myself frequently as it applies directly to my sex life.
We claim to be so evolved. In fact, some people associate a sense of pride with being highly evolved, snubbing their noses at anything that resembles simplicity or being reduced to our archaic past. We attach social rules to instinctual drives and call ourselves civilized for not acting upon those drives. For example, people feared sexual liberation and their own lack of control over their drives; therefore, the people found it necessary to impose religious restrictions upon sexuality. But, did we really evolve past the need for mate selection on an instinctual level, or did we simply comply with the established social rules for how to conduct ourselves for assimilation?
And here lies my greatest question: What’s with the stigma placed on the BDSM community? The community fuels on a particular application of two basic concepts: Dominance and submission. Dominance and submission is a basic primal concept: The strongest survive, survival of the fittest, and the desire to find the most suitable mate. Animals have operated on this basic principle as the essential building block for the survival of their species. Humans used to operate under these basic codes in ancient civilizations. I believe the people in this sexual community are simply on a quest to restore natural selection, on the most basic of levels, sexual expression.
In our present society, we are consciously weeding out natural selection. The natural competitive drives within our young boys are being discouraged on the basis of equality. Plastic surgery can make those less desirable (with regard to natural selection) suddenly find a place amongst the genetically superior for mate selection. We have conditioned our society to level the playing fields on the basis of evolutionary strength; we place the strong on a diminished level and the weak at an elevated level, essentially meeting somewhere in the middle. Although I believe this concept is fair, I feel it has done very little to improve the condition of society as a whole. I, quite honestly, long for a life where social order is restored. I long to exist in a place where hierarchy social structure consists with the strongest, most “fit” leadership at the top and the weaker individuals operating a place below. Amongst the lower levels there lies a hierarchy of power, creating many levels of organized dominance and submission. The essential problem with this is there will be people who always question and oppose authority. A society like this would, regrettably, remove the choice of submission for individuals. The lack of choice promotes passive aggressive overthrow. The choice to be submissive to a Dominant is one that makes the entire situation flow beautifully. Of course, negative situations can arise with the intoxication of power, but that is not the point of this post.
Submission had nothing to do with race, sex or gender. Submission was the relinquishment of power in the presence of a more dominant individual. Unfortunately, submission was not always a choice; rather, people understood that their need for survival accompanied the servitude of a powerful individual. In the world of BDSM, submission is a choice. Submission is a choice that is respected by the Dominant, because the Dominant understands that a submissive’s obedience is a gift. I know I struggled for a long time to find a man who could handle me. I could not be tamed, could not be reined in, and could not be reasoned with. A man would have had to be incredibly dominant, strong, stoic, confident, steady, and respectful to be able to even begin to have my submission. My point is, I would have searched and searched until I found the most “alpha” dominant man I could to give my submission to. Had I been with a weaker man, and he was challenged by a more aggressive and dominant man for my affection – I would have given my affection to that more dominant man. That’s about as animal as natural selection gets, and it’s happening every day amongst us all. It’s happening regardless of whatever your sexual preference is. Its happening despite what your religion is, whether you admit it to yourself or not, and whether you ever truly put action to your thoughts. It’s happening because we are all animals at our evolutionary core. We will always want what we consider to be the “best” mate for us. We will all assume our roles of dominance and submission within our relationships to varying degrees, and I believe that to be incredibly healthy.
In my opinion, my relationship with my Dom is classic, perhaps archaic, as it aligns us with that natural essence of who we are as people. Who we are, together, as evolved animals. We align beautifully in our assigned roles, because it ignites something innate in us both: My deepest desire to serve, and be at the mercy of, the most worthy mate possible; and his desire to protect, control, claim and reinforce his territory though his primal (animal) power. I honestly feel that, if practiced from a place of emotional clarity and psychological health, BDSM is one of the most beautiful representations of returning to our roots. It’s one of the most beautiful expressions of releasing the veil of social oppression, turning our backs against modern relationships, and turning toward something more basic.
In our basic states of Dominance and submission, we are returned to the animal. I will use my favorite animal as an example: The aggression expressed between two male lions in the quest to assert territory over the female lionesses is akin to something you’d see if another man attempted to traipse on my Man’s territory. He’d die to defend it. The female lioness is a powerful unit in herself, able to hunt and provide for the pack. She is capable of survival, but feels she cannot survive without the protection of the lion. The lion will pick the most genetically superior and strong female to copulate with. He will copulate with her at his will, as many times as he wants, whenever he wants. She should not try to resist him, as he will remind her of his dominance over her. Though she may playfully bat at him, resist his initial advances, she ultimately submits. Is this any different than a healthy BDSM relationship? If we are animals at heart, is there anything wrong with someone wanting to find their perfect mate? Is there anything wrong with dominance and submission, if these principles have been the foundation for evolution as long as life has existed upon the Earth? Is there anything unnatural about asserting power over someone during a sexual act, as long as that person willingly submits their sexual power to the other? This seems very basic to me. Participating in a BDSM lifestyle aligns with something so deep within me that it seems to be ingrained in the very essence of who I am. It brings me back to my primal past. It feels as though I evolved into an intelligent, powerful, feminine human being; but, ultimately, I am designed to serve Him. He is designed to protect and have ultimate power over me; something that he feels is ingrained in every fiber of his being. Being my Dom puts him in touch with his most primal, animal past.
Modern relationships strip away the element of dominance and submission, placing the couple on equal levels of power in the name of “respect”. Ultimately, this is a farce as couples will repeatedly and relentlessly fight over maintaining the power in the relationship. The quest for power is still there and will forever remain in the human species, as we are ultimately animals at heart. Modern relationships are simply generic boxes containing intense power struggles. They are externally wrapped in beautiful paper, and aesthetically pleasing to the general populace. Inside, a kitten. BDSM relationships are slightly misshaped packages; but, inside they hold the treasures of agreement. They are wrapped in basic brown paper, having no desire to present something visually appealing to the general populace. But…
Inside, a lion.